Well my Dropping aficionados it has started, that wonderful and most predictable annoyance known to humankind — political campaigning. That inescapable barrage of nose-pulling, eye-poking, shrieking-shrillness that permeates our airwaves, front-yards, and vehicle bumpers. It’s bad enough you have to endure painful summer reruns on the networks but then add in the stream of political ads and I for one am about ready to curl up in the corner of my den in a fetal position and suck my thumb. It is pointless to attach blame but what the hell, let’s give it a shot.
Right at the top of the list is of course those remarkable people known as the candidates. I saw a recent poll that had the approval rating of Congress hovering around the 11% mark. I’d say outside of their immediate families these bottom-feeders don’t get too many hugs and kisses. Thankfully the rhetoric has shifted though and the winds of positive change are finally blowing. This time it is going to be different. How do we know? Because the candidates say so. Yea right. Just once I love see a political ad that says it straight up — “Hi I am a totally self-absorbed, self-centered prick and if you elect me, I pledge to be an even bigger self-absorbed, self-centered prick.” Another favorite of mine, “Are you sick of career politicians, ME TOO! Elect me so in 4 years my opponent can bitch about me being a career politician.”
Who else can we throw under the bus? Well how about the rocket surgeons who mandated the equal time provision rule. I am sure it sounded like a good idea at the time but the reality is the stupid rule simply fills the sinking boat with even more nose-pulling, eye-poking, shrieking-shrillness all in the piously pronounced interest of fairness. What the hell is fair about a string of moaning and groaning pols? Equal time — really? What we are left with is a lagoon overflowing with painfully odoriferous political advertisements, nothing more elegant than that. After enduring a string of commercials longer than a litany to the Saints, it makes me yearn for the occasional Sham-Wow commercial.
So, what is the solution? I think we need a 24/7 political ad reality channel called — RUN DAMMIT!!!! Why wait until the election cycle? This channel could run back to back, no holds barred, cage-match, bare-knuckle campaign ads one right after the other — in perpetuity. It is ingenuous really. There are 86,400 seconds in a 24-hour span. At 30 seconds a pop that would yield 2,880 mind-numbing political ads. For crying out loud, I’d even pay a surtax on my cable bill just to help subsidize the venture. I love democracy and I totally get the need for process but for the love of Pete there has to be a better way of informing the body-politic than this cluster-gaggle. Ya know?