Good grief already. Why is it every major holiday on the calendar gets so much fanfare, save April Fool’s Day? Speaking on behalf of my fellow fools everywhere, we don’t get squat. Who or what fool can we blame for this oversight? Our market-driven culture and economy recognizes every single special day with at least a White Sale or Holiday Savings Extravaganza Blowout. April fools are lucky if they score a special buy one-get-one free deal on a colonic cleanser from the local drug store. When was the last time you saw a car dealer screaming at you to rush in for an April Fool’s Day offer?
Yep, all the other holidays get some pretty sweet accolades. On St. Patty’s isn’t it heart-warming to see all the O’Feinstein, O’Smith, and O’Jones families return to their Irish roots and swill green beer till it runs out the corners of their mouths? Even Ground Hog day got a movie deal for crying out loud! You can easily justify jamming a hollow chocolate bunny or two down your pie-hole and feel good about it — because it is 100% authorized by Mr. Easter Bunny. Has anyone ever actually seen a bunny yacking down a Hershey effigy, or their fur covered in tell-tale chocolate? And just for the record I am still polishing off Halloween left-over Milky Way Fun Bites like they are a major food group.
Thanksgiving? Let’s just re-name that one Happy Typtohpanorgasm and move on shall we? Christmas long ago turned into a 90 day event probably as the result of some poor sap of a buyer overstocking stores with Snuggies. People, people, if Santa can close the deal world-wide within 24 hours, front to back, surely we can too. July 4th arguably remains the most traditional holiday but even that one is getting hi-jacked by a few zealous sparkler salesmen.
The holiday that causes the greatest angst for men? Of course, Valentine’s Day which sets in motion the annual dilemma of, “do I give her a heart-shaped box filled with gooey affection, a multi-carat CZ, or a just a sexy Moo-Moo?” So it goes with Labor Day, Memorial Day, Father’s Day, all worthy of recognition and a little marketing bump now and again. Don’t get me wrong. Any day that affords me the opportunity to fire up the ole BBQ pyre is hunky dory in my book.
Dang it anyway, I am as big a fool as the next one and I sure would like to see it memorialized. April fools have been slighted far too long. We need, NO, we demand a theme, special party favors, and a cocktail named in honor of this important day. Wait a minute! Maybe we could just move April Fool’s Day to April 15th thus codifying the age-old notion, “A fool and his money are soon parted.”